I sat in front of the computer screen on Thursday evening, longing to write to you all, but too numb to get typing.
On Thursday morning we'd had a visit from one of the local estate agents, whom we greatly respect, with the intention of getting some idea of the value of the Cottage in preparation to raise some cash to use to pay our National Health system to continue giving Tony the drug that we believe has given him an extra year in which to fight his cancer. The valuer hadn't seen the house for about twelve years and I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say he was astonished at what we had achieved in the past eight. He felt so stunned that he has gone away to think about what such a unique property could be worth, and will let us know next week. His reaction left us quite buoyant until ......
We had a telephone call in the afternoon from our new oncologist at Lincoln County Hospital who, having returned from her holiday, had studied all the notes and recent scan results, in order to advise us on what treatment to recommend for Tony. Basically, she implied that his system is now so toxic that he is on his own from now on! We knew he had absorbed everything that was available except for a Monoclonal Antibody called Cetaximab, but she believes that the NHS will not pay for this, and it sounds as if we shouldn't bother to pay for it either, as it is so expensive, and any success is only likely to be 50%, AND she tells us it is highly poisonous.
I'm sure you can begin to imagine how we felt, but we're nothing if not resilient AND determined, so we're going to make sure next week that she is aware that we will raise whatever it costs, and that Tony would like to "leave no stones unturned" in order to stay alive as long as possible. He says he doesn't mind dying, but he doesn't want to leave me. There's a tear rolling down my face and a big lump in my throat as I record this - it's such a privilege to be loved so much.
We know that the oncologist is not being callous; she just wants him to enjoy some quality life again, free from a long list of side effects that the chemotherapy and Avastin have produced. The extreme tiredness is so frustrating (but Tony and Brian won at the bridge club again last week). Another compensation will be that Tony's hair should regrow.
It's not raining today, so in a few minutes we're going to plant another patch of our raised bed beside the drain with broad beans. It's great to extend the harvesting season.
Comments